Pop Culture Nonsense: Five Superhero Movies So Stupid (They Must Be Seen Part 1)

Five Superhero Films So Bad They Must Be Seen

Being a comuc book fanboy, and a weirdo completist, I tend to watch EVERYTHING that's ever been committed to film that has a comic book source material basis.....and for every THE DARK KNIGHT and CAPTAIN AMERICA : CIVIL WAR,  there's two dozen terrible fucking superhero movies.  And, even amongst the bad, there's a few "gems" that shine despite their ineptitude....the pure unintentional humor value outweighs anything they lack in talent or budget...

CAPTAIN AMERICA (1990, 21ST CENTURY PICTURES)

One the casualties of the collapse of 1980s schlock merchants Cannon Films, CAPTAIN AMERICA is a victim of limited budget and a butchered hatchet job of an edit.

At one point in time, Cannon was looking to cast Dolph Lundgren in the role, but finally settled on Matt Salinger as Steve Rogers aka Captain America (most interesting thing about Salinger: his father was J.D. Salinger, infamously reclusive author of CATCHER IN THE RYE).

  Portraying his arch nemesis is Scott Paulin as an Italian (?!?) Red Skull, who has reconstructive surgery after the war and decides to kidnap the President of the United States (played by Ronnie Cox) 45 years later and has the most unimpressive nuclear bomb in film history as part of his arsenal.

 Also, look for Bill Mumy (Will Robinson of LOST IN SPACE fame, all growed up) and Darren McGavin portraying the same role 45 years apart and Ned Beatty as the President's goofy childhood friend turned reporter.

 Going directly to home video in 1992, the video cassette release of this film went out if print as soon as it hit rental store shelves, and everyone involved pretty much wanted to disown it,  It's scarce nature, as well as the stories of it's complete and utter terribleness garnered CAPTAIN AMERICA a small cult following amongst comic book fanboys.  In 2012, director Albert Pyun offered a director's cut of the film via Sony's burn on demand specialty DV-R service, but the verdict is still out as to whether the nearly hour and a half of cut footage reinserted into the film improves it.

BARB WIRE (1995 Universal Pictures)

Hey, kids!  Titties!

 I don't know whose brilliant idea  it was to take one of Dark Horse Comics'  early 1990s attempts at creating a shared superhero universe (as well as an attempt to cash in on the then current "Bad Girl" character craze....Lady Death, anyone?) and decided to do a dystopian sci fi remake of CASABLANCA (no....really.  I can't make this shit up), cast Pamela Anderson in the Bogart role (and the dude who played Jango Fett in ATTACK OF THE CLONES in the "Ilsa" role)....and then decided to sell the whole mess on the merits of T&A provided by Anderson,......but....I'd like the chance to shake their hand.  It's a spectacular trainwreck of a movie.

Ms. Wire's first comuc book appearance from 1993, and below a more current incarnatiin of the comic

I can't tell if I enjoy Anderson's inability to act (which is epic, trust me) or a genuinely talented ensemble cast of veteran genre picture actors slumming it up in character roles that I enjoy more about this film.  I'd watch Udo Kier read from the phone book, but he does a stellar job of  chewing scenery here.

Jesus Christ.....there's more gaffer's tape holding up her tits than rigging up the lighting in this flick.

SUICIDE SQUAD (Extended Cut Bluray, Warner Bros. 2016)

 SUICIDE SQUAD (Extended Cut Bluray, Warner Bros. 2016)

One of my favorite comics of the late 1980s,  at least of the DC Comics variety,  was the John Ostrander written SUICIDE SQUAD.  I enjoyed it because I've always thought that it was one of the more original concepts brought to superhero comics at the time it was being published.

The first issue of the original 1987 series

SUICIDE SQUAD answered the question of what happens when  the bad guy got carted off to jail.

You  know the typical comic book superhero cliches and conventions:

1.)  super hero and super villain fight
2.).   super hero saves the day the bad guy goes to jail

The reason why this scenario always seemed to be lacking is that in a world where masked criminals  possessed Herculean strength, could shoot laser bolts from their eyes or possessed technology and weaponry that is far advanced beyond comprehension for normal law enforcement officials to combat,  ordinary correctional facilities and detention centers would be completely useless.

The 80s team line up

SUICIDE SQUAD presents the tale of a shadowy intelligence community operative named Amanda Waller who comes up with a witty solution for this problem.    Commission the construction of a specialized facility for super powered bad guys called Belle Reve in Louisiana,  house the criminals there,  and treat them as a commodity ( that commodity being enhanced human beings with godlike powers  and abilities),  and do what the government usually does whenever it discovers a new commodity:  weaponize it.  She offers these masked hooligans a deal: agree to become a member of a covert strike team that carries out secret missions in the interest of American national security, and in exchange for services rendered,  they have a chance of getting  lighter sentences or  of being paroled earlier.

Viola Davis as Amanda Waller

  There are a few catches,  though....no one can know of the existence of the covert team, and if caught performing a mission, the government will disavow any information about them.   This is basically a witty PR move made by Waller. ..it would generally look bad if the President asked the Justice League of America to assassinate some third world dictator or take out some drug cartel in the bloodiest fashion possible, but if it's the bad guys....well, they're just doing the same thing they always do: murder and mayhem. 

The current incarnation of the comic, which began publication in 2016

Oh, there's also the fact that 90% of the missions that they get sent on are no win situations and there's a pretty good chance that not everyone is making it back alive. And,  they totally pull an Escape from New York on you  and equip you with an explosive bracelet that will take your arm off if you step out line.  Hence, the title SUICIDE SQUAD.

It's basically THE DIRTY DOZEN set in a world full of superheroes....and it was pretty brilliant.  So,  needless to say I was very interested to see how the film adaptation turned out.  

The gang's all here....

The film?    It's good.  It's a decent action film.  It contains more DC Comics nerd fan service than I was expecting. ...I especially dug the Capt. Boomerang flashback with The Flash.  More Affleck as Batman, which was teased in the trailers...

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn

My only problem with the film is there's no real standout performances.  Oh, everyone is cast well and all the cast carries their load, but....I love a couple of these characters on the comics page (Captain Boomerang, Katana, and Enchanteress come to mind), but their screen counterparts seem to be lacking.  Even Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn doesn't deviate from a somewhat cookie cutter cardboard standee- level performance, IMO...Which is sad, because it seems the majority of the promotion and marketing behind this film is directed towards her character.  This may be due to the script, though, or the efforts made to shoehorn the backstories of the entire cast into a finite timeslot.  I don't know...

 Even Jared Leto's take on the Joker is subdued and less manic than one would typically prefer, and there are moments in his delivery where it sounds like he's trying to channel Mark Hammill's vocal performances of the character in several animated Batman venues over the years.

It's entertaining and worth a watch....having said that, I recommend investing the time to check out the Extended Cut of this film, because much like the earlier BATMAN V. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE,  the theatrical cut's pacing and structure is haphazard and wonky,  and the reinstated cut scenes do flesh out the plot and the characters' motivations somewhat.  Side note:  I highly recommend the film's soundtrack
, which is top notch with great tracks by Rick Ross and and others....

 Quite a few slightly informative featurettes, but nothing truly spectacular

SUICIDE SQUAD is a decent time killer with some fun action sequences and moments of fanboy bliss, but lacks just a small percentage of substance that could gave turned it into something truly special.  All said and done, though, it is a nice addition to the fledgling Warner Brothers DC COMICS Cinematic Multiverse and I'd look forward to any future adventures these characters find themselves in.