Return to the Planet of the Apes: The Complete Animated Series (1975)'

Return to the Planet of the Apes: The Complete Animated Series (1975)

Running Time: 312 minutes
MPAA Rating: NR
Format: Standard 4:3
Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1
Languages: English, Spanish
Subtitles: English, Spanish, French
Region: 1
MSRP: $19.98

Being a child born in the 1970s (1974, to be exact), it was hard not to become a fan of the classic 20th Century Fox Planet of the Apes franchise. Some of my earliest memories of Christmas toys involve MEGO's Ape action figures; the film and its four sequels were a staple of syndicated television packages for years after their theatrical runs. Though I have no memories of watching the live-action television series (aired on CBS in late 1974), I did catch it later when several episodes were edited together as a series of tele-films.
Hell, I can even stomach that thing with Marky Mark pretending like he's smart enough to be an astronaut and "Mr. Orange" dressed like a monkey....

But the one bit of Ape lore that seemed to escape my viewing experience was the short-lived animated series of 1975. This was remedied by my recent purchase of the 2 disc DVD release of the complete series, a release that was snatched up by my dirty ape-lovin' hands as soon as I was able to track down a copy.  I decided on the eve of the summer release of a third film, WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES, of the current CGI heavy motion capture suit current incarnation of the Apes franchise, it'd be a cool idea to revisit the past by checking out an old version of what the future may have been.

My first impressions of the series are quite favorable...though stricken with the curse of limited animation (but, name one network Saturday morning cartoon produced during that era that didn't suffer from it), it boasts some great writing. The premise is familiar: Astronauts Bill Hudson, Judy Franklin, and Jeff Allen (voiced by Battle For the Planet of the Apes and Assault on Precinct 13 star Austin Stoker) get zapped by the time-whammy and thrown into Earth's future....a future where man is ruled by apes. There they learn to adapt and survive their new surroundings while trying to get a grasp on what's going on.

What really sets the animated series head and shoulders above other cartoons of it's day is the level of storytelling... each episode runs into the next in a serialized fashion, with plot points from earlier episodes being set up and revisited in later ones. Then there's the overall tone of the show, which is at times incredibly bleak and dark, an oddity for childrens shows of it's day. Then, there's the inclusion of several character that were made popular in the live-action film counterpart, such as the ape scientists Cornelius and Zira and their benefactor Dr. Zaius, as well as General Urko (voiced by Henry "Fred Flintstone" Corden), and the human female Nova.

The animated show also has a slightly different take on the future Ape society, one more in line with the automated one depicted in Pierre Boulle's original novel that inspired this whole mess. All in all, a worthy addition to Ape canon, though one that possesses it's own individual quirks...

The transfer is pretty good, though the show's earth-tone pallet of colors (which mirrors that of the live-action feature films) makes the transition into animation in a fairly rough fashion. Hues tend to look too dark, black line work practically screams out a jagged cry to one's eyes...and after a while, everything sort of starts to..."blend". When asked to describe the look of the show to a friend, my only response was, "Well...there's an awful lot of orange. And brown."

Oh...waitaminnit. Sorry...just had flashbacks to my college art major days...

Anyways, the show looks great on disc.

None to speak of, not even a collection of annoying "sneak peaks" (which generally only have the vaguest connection to the material the disc is devoted to). There is the option, accessible from the menus for each individual episode, that allows the viewer to watch the episode with it's original animated teaser for the next upcoming episode tacked onto the end.

In a world where Saturday morning animated adaptions of film properties tend to be the bastard offspring of the original source material, the one ruled by apes may actually be one of the best...

And, after saying that, I fully expect Chuck Heston to give me a call asking me to turn in my NRA membership card.

Wonder Woman - The Complete First Season (1976)

Wonder Woman - The Complete First Season (1976)

Running Time: 725 minutes

MPAA Rating: NR
Format: Standard 4:3
Audio: Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono
Languages: English
Subtitles: English, French, Spanish
Region: 1
MSRP: $39.98

Gloria Steinem's favorite fictional feminist finally makes it to the digital age, and while I let my subscription to Ms. magazine run out years ago, I couldn't resist picking this 3 disc set up for simple nostalgia value. Being a long-standing comic book fanboy, as well as being a child of the late 1970s/early 1980s, it's needless to say that I had a boyhood crush on Lynda Carter as the leggy Amazon princess...

And, I'm not ashamed to admit that I still do.

Lynda Carter as Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman

Making its debut in late 1975, ABC's The New Original Wonder Woman pilot film blended camp sensibilities with good old fashioned Saturday matinee action (with a healthy dose of "subtle" sex appeal), and led to one of the most fondly remembered television shows of the disco era. This set collects what many fans, myself included, consider to be the best of the show's three seasons (ABC airred it during it's inaugrial 14 episodes, and CBS later picked it up for the latter two seasons), which firmly plants Princess Diana in a wartime 1940s setting, reflecting the character's time of conception in her parent medium, comic books.

The quality of the scripts vary during this run of shows, from good clean fun: The pilot and "Formula 407" (episode 11, 1/22/77) to wild, cliffhanger serial-esque hijinx: "Wonder Woman vs. Gargantua" (ep.6, 12/18/76), to downright goofy: "Judgement From Outer Space" (eps. 9 & 10), but likeable, deadpan performances by Carter and Lyle Waggoner as Steve Trevor (a character I used to jokingly refer to as the "male Lois Lane") and several of the celebrity guest-stars (Roy Rogers, Red Buttons, and Cloris Leachman being amongst the best of them) make up for anything lacking in the plot department. Plus, there's the pre-fame Debra Winger as Wonder Girl, a sight that has to be seen to be believed, unintentional humor included.

The show still looks fairly well, even after nearly 30 years and several syndication packages later. I'm sure Warner Bros. probably did some digital clean-up for the transfers, and the Dolby mono mix is surprisingly clean, free of the usual reverb that makes one feel that they're listening the track from a distance while at the bottom of a well.... heh.

Pilot Film Audio Commentary by Lynda Carter and Executive Producer Douglas S. Cramer - Too self complimentary and "cutesy" to be taken as a serious insight into the creation of the show, but it's fun to hear Carter's thoughts on her performance.

Beauty, Brawn and Bulletproof Bracelets: A Wonder Woman Retrospective - Nice documentary featuring interviews with Carter and several of the production team behind the conception of the show, as well as insights from comic book illustrator extraordinaire Alex Ross (the painter behind such works as Marvels, Kingdom Come, and the 2003 Oscars poster, to name a few) and author Les Daniels (who has penned several in-depth books on the history of various comic book publishing entities and their characters) about the history of the amazing Amazon herself in various media venues.

From the incredibly bad faux funk theme song (for some laughs, track down and read a copy of the lyrics to it) to Lynda Carter's patriotic adventures utilizing the "feminist mystique" and a good right hook, all the while dressed in what is essentially a bathing suit, "Wonder Woman- The Complete First Season" is more fun that you could wrangle with a Magic Lasso.

Did I mention the whole "boyhood crush" thing? Lynda Carter could tie me up anytime...hee hee!

Blood Freak: Special Edition (1972) Something Weird Special Edition

Blood Freak: Special Edition (1972)

Running Time: 80 minutes
MPAA Rating: NR
Format: Standard 4:3
Audio: Dolby Digital Mono
Languages: English
Subtitles: English
Region: 1
MSRP: $19.99

Blood Freak: Special Edition (1972)'

Praise the Lord and Pass the Turkey! Testify! 

Possibly the only film that can not only claim to be a "turkey", but star one as well - and certainly the ONLY Pro-Jesus, Anti-Pot, Turkey Monster Splatter flick in existence. 

After an intro like that, how does one follow up with a simple and concise plot synopsis? I'm placing my talents in the hands of the Lord on this one....(heh) Steve Hawkes (a former low-rent Tarzan movie star) is "Herschell", a tall, dark, and clueless type who can't decide whether he's an Elvis impersonator or a motorcycle riding tough guy. Seriously, this flick's opening looks like they took some discarded, out-of-focus footage from an AIP biker flick and hastily cut it together....with a cleaver! 

Anyway, during his Easy Rider experience, Hersch meets up with two sisters: Pure and God-fearing Angel and her "naughty" younger sister, Anne...who turns Hersch onto the devil weed.....Marijuana! Hersch also gets a job with an old research scientist. Who does turkey research... 

Oh, wait.....it gets better. It seems that the pot grown in this particular goofy-ass alternate universe is the most addictive stuff on Earth. It makes crack cocaine look like marshmallow s'mores. Hersch is sent into crazy-mad withdrawal sickness, and the loco-weed kick combines with chemically treated turkey meat (which he has to consume at his job) to cause a genetic mutation in Herschell of the wacky kind. No kidding....he becomes GOBB-LOR! The TURKEY of DEATH!  

Okay, I made that last part up, but it makes this crap seem a heck of a lot cooler than it actually is. And Hersch does become a blood-thirsty turkey-headed monster who goes on a kill-crazy murder spree to feed his hunger. Best bit: Turkey monster pleading with God to forgive him and end his existence. 

Intercut into all of this is footage of director Brad Grinter (former nudie movie star) giving pseudo-philosophical moral warnings, looking as if he just came off a three day bender. His ending speech on the dangers of drugs just has to be seen.

 Sadly, if you're expecting high definition in picture and sound, yer in the wrong place, brother. Time has not been kind to the original elements of this flick, and that's understandable, seeing as how I don't think Blood Freak is on the AFI list, or sat around in any major studio vaults since its 1972 debut. Seeing as how this is a Something Weird release, Mike Vraney probably stumbled across it in somebody's basement behind the hot water heater or buried in a lock box somewhere in the Louisiana bayou. It's watchable, but "the curse of 1970s cheap film stock" lingers around it to the worst possible degree. The original mono track has degraded severely and Hawkes' crazy (and vaguely European.... y'know...like Fabio's) accent doesn't help matters much. Kudos to Something Weird, though, for rescuing this little oddity and pushing it, squawking and gobbling, into the digital age.

This is where the disc excels.....packed to the brim with over 2 hours worth of supplementary material, as if to make up for the really bad movie and it's deteriorated condition. 

Original Theatrical Trailer- yep....see all the hype that made this film a "classic" 
Bonus "Blood Drenched Horror Trailers- Teasers for the following: Blood Feast, The Blood-Spattered Bride, Bloody Pit of Horror, Color Me Blood Red, The Dorm That Dripped Blood, I Drink Your Blood/ I Eat Your Skin, Night of the Bloody Apes, and Flesh Feast 
The Walls Have Eyes- Steve Hawkes in soft core nudie 28 minute 1968 sex flick 
Brad Grinter: Nudist- Pro-naturalist short subject starring the Blood Freak co-director/co-star 
Narcotics: Pit of Despair- 1960s anti-drug scare film 
Beggar At The Gates- late 1960s short subject which deals with weird tangents of the Christian denomination
Turkeys in the Wild- Everything you wanted to know about woodland fowl (but were afraid to ask) 1960s nature short subject 
A Day of Thanksgiving- 1950s proganda short subject on Thanksgiving that reveals the origins of the November holiday and how great it is to be an American....and not a dirty pinko commie!
Ghastly Gallery of Ghoulish Comic Book Art- Several still shots of various cheapo Stanley and Eerie publications of the late 1960s and 1970s, with several horror rockabilly punk cues by the Dead Elvi played as atmosphere music. Great band, too.   
Incredibly stupid film, poorly made....yet, fun nonetheless and the unintentional humor is hilarious. Something Weird's disc is a definite must-have for "bad" movie enthusiasts.

AMERICAN SCARY

American Scary (2007)

Running Time: 92 minutes
MPAA Rating: NR
Format: Widescreen 1.78:1
Audio: Dolby Digital 2.0
Languages: English
Subtitles: None
Region: All
MSRP: $19.95

It's funny the things you remember from your childhood.  Like, for instance, I put four years of high school "college prep" English classes under my belt, and few Lit. and Writing courses were attended during my college years....yet if you asked me how to deconstruct a sentence, or what a adjective was...you find me stuttering and stammering a response.  But, if a complete stranger were to walk up to me on the street and asked me to recite Green Lantern's oath or what the origin of the Flash was (Jay Garrick?  Barry Allen?  Wally West?  Pick yer poison...), I'd kick that stuff off the top of my head.

Examples: Q: What was your first girlfriend's last name?
A: Um....Gollum?  Giggly?  Gaffin?   I think it was Gaffin...it involved a "geee" noise.

Q: What's your favorite Stones song?
A: "Gimme Shelter", "Let It Bleed" album, 1969.

Q:  What's your mother's phone number?
A:  It has a three and there's a zero somewhere in there...besides, it's stored in my cel-phone's address book (which also has an entry for my number, the number to that particular cel-phone, so's if anybody should ask me for it.  C'mon....how many times do I call myself?   Zero.)

Q: Where'd you first see "The Devil Bat" starring Bela Lugosi?
A: Channel 19 WXIX, Cincinati Ohio.  May 11th, 1986, after midnight.  Hosted by the Cool Ghoul.  Sponsored by Hudapohl Beer and Grippo's Potato Chips.

I think one of the things that I miss the most from childhood is the concept of independent television stations.  It seemed every summer there were at least two or three popping up on my UHF dial, in various stages of acceptable reception, from snowy static to crystal clear.  The really fun thing about these broadcasters was the sheer amount of inventiveness that substituted for production budgets and, in most cases, talent.  This is where I learned to love three things:  cheezy local kid shows, crazy syndicated television packages... and the truly oddball: late-night horror movie hosts.

Now, I live (and grew up) in Ohio, which has come to be viewed as the "mecca" of this particular breed of on-air MCs, especially in the Cleveland and Cincinatti markets.  In my neck of the wood, the south central and southwestern areas of the state, the Cincy stations were king, and the big indy here was WXIX, which began it's broadcast history in 1968.   And ask anybody in these parts over the age of 30 who the "Cool Ghoul" is, and you'll be met with a mile-long grin followed by a story that either involves the funniest television viewing experience of their childhood and/or the scariest.

I've heard horror hosts being likened to the Greek Chorus of old, giving commentary on the gruesome proceedings being played out before an audience... but I'd like to think it's something simpler and far more innocent.  The primary audiences of horror hosts during their hey-day were children and teenagers, and these ghoulish lunatics, using their on-air charisma, would talk kids into doing something they shouldn't be doing ("Hey, kid!   Stay up past your bedtime and I've got all this really cool stuff to show you..."), and while doing it...allow them to watch....GASP!...horror movies, which added to the allure.

Yet....while nudging kids headway into a bad experience with one hand (or hook....or claw...or sometimes a tentacle), every once and a while, they'd stop the whole thing and take a kid under their care with the other arm and provide comfort ("Wasn't that silly?  Ain't no reason to be scared... that tentacle is obviously rubber. And that werewolf?  Wasn't it a hoot when he banged his head against the boom-mic?").  Kind of like a mischievous imaginary friend who lived on the airwaves, who you had to sneak downstairs and tune in on the magic picture box.  But you could only do it once a week... after midnight.  When your parents were asleep...

AMERICAN SCARY is a loving tribute to these "imaginary friends" on the airwaves, chronicling it's earliest beginnings, with Vampira (Maila Nurmi,1922-2008) on the west coast, John Zacherle on the east, and near and dear to my heart, Ghoulardi ( disc jockey, voice announcer, and actor the late Ernie Anderson) who later left Cleveland, became the voice of ABC Television for a generation and left his influence on such notable names as former broadcasting partner Tim Conway, Drew Carey (watch for Ghoulardi t-shirts on episodes of his sitcom), rockabilly punk act the Cramps, and his son...director Paul Thomas Anderson, who did a couple little films you may have heard of:  BOOGIE NIGHTS and THERE WILL BE BLOOD. P.T.'s production company isn't named  "The Ghoulardi Film Company" for nothin'.

After an exploration into the beginnings of the phenomena, we're given a look at some of the highlights of the 1960s and 70s era, with long, loving looks at guys like Bob Wilkins of CREATURE FEATURES, Chilly Billy Cardille (probably most infamous for his appearance as a television newsman in Romero's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD), Chicago's Svengoolie (Jerry G. Bishop), and more hometown boys such as Big Chuck and Lil' John, The Ghoul (Ron Sweed), and my beloved Cool Ghoul (the late Dick Von Hoene... "Bleah, bleah, BLEAAAHHH!") before moving on to more recognizable fare such as Cassandra Peterson's Elvira, Mistress of the Dark and an interview with Joel Hodgson of MYSTERY SCINCE THEATER 3000 fame.  All along the way, we're treated to glimpses of folks still in the business via the wonders of the inner-netz and public access television, most notably Count Gore De Vol, portrayed by Dick Dyszel, a favorite of mine.

For a piece of work that looks to have been shot completely on Digi-Cam, it's pretty professional looking.  As far as bells and whistles go, disc-wise, it's a pretty tight package.  Even though it's an indy release, (and as far as I know, the disc publisher is doing their own distribution, as well, with exception to Amazon), expect to see the now-typical built-in marketing material prior to the the disc's root menu (trailers for two other oddball docs, AMERICAN ZOMBIE and AMERICAN SHOPPER, which looks to be fun and reminds this reviewer of Errol Morris' VERNON, FLORIDA).

- Audio Commentary by Directors John E. Hudgens and Sandy Clark- Pretty interesting stuff, almost as good as the film itself.
- Original Pitch Reel
- Theatrical Teaser and Trailer
- Extended Interviews:  Some decent stuff here, with one focusing on the Nashville horror host scene and it's elaborate history, and another doing the same for the great state of Texas...

Batman - The Complete 1943 Movie Serial Collection (1943)

 BATMAN- THE COMPLETE 1943 MOVIE SERIAL COLLECTION

Running Time: 259 minutes (approx)
MPAA Rating: NR
Format: Standard 4:3
Audio: Dolby Digital Mono
Languages: English
Subtitles: English
Region: 1
MSRP: $29.95

I'm a long-time fan of the cliffhanger serials, a love stemming from my interests in both superheroes and film. Masked radio, pulp, and comic book heroes circa the time period were perfect fodder for the studio serial department machine for nearly two decades, and I've always loved the 1943 attempt at Batman. An evil "yellow peril" mastermind, zombies in goofy metal helmets, atomic ray pistols....what's not to love?

Well....there is that li'l bit of World War 2 era blatantly racist propoganda dialogue....yes, kids, before we learned to hate the dirty pinko Commies (when we weren't hatin' each other), we dished it out to those nutty "Japs" and "Ratzi Krauts". Land of the Free, Home of the Brave, and all that jazz...

Interesting story about that. Seems that at some point in the mid-1980s, Sony (the Japanese company that currently holds the leash on Columbia Pictures and its repertory) did some serious editting to a video cassette master of said Bat-adventure for use by Goodtimes Home Video, specifically to the voice track, dubbing over several lines of dialogue deemed offensive. This master was then used for the only licensed prerecord VHS release, circa 1990, during the second Batmania merchandising craze that was a result of the 1989 Tim Burton-directed Bat film. For years, the only way folks could see an uncut version of the 1943 serial was if they somehow lucked into seeing a repertory showing.... which, to my knowledge, was never.

Fast-forward to 2005. After hearing about the original unaltered version of the serial for years, I hear about the DVD release. I pick it up at the local Wal-Mart...and then I watch the first disc....

Not five minutes into it....I realize something's different from my prior viewings of the film (via the Goodtimes release)....there's a different voice narrating. And then... there's some hate for the Orientals showing it's ugly head. Isn't this age of DVD mastering wonderful, where those doing the transfers are forced to seek out the original elements to get decent stuff? My only question is: Does Sony (translation: Japanese company who went through the effort nearly two decades ago to try and smooth over the situation) even realize or know about this....or is this a situation akin to the Texas "MGM Swamp Thing DVD" case a few years back, in which an enraged mother discovered that the DVD she bought for her kids at a Toys R Us clearly labelled as PG rated was actually transferred from a more racy international cut print (mmmmm....Adrienne Barbeau nudity)? That situation caused MGM to recall that disc, and "Swamp Thing" wasn't made available again until just a few years ago by the manufacturer. And the Batman disc? Not a disclaimer in sight...which seems to be the thing that Disney (see Leonard Maltin's stuff on the now out of print Disney Treasures sets) and Warner Bros. (see Whoopi Goldberg's contributions to the LOONEY TUNES Golden Collection sets) have resorted to, gladhanding any of the racial stereotyping and ridiculing those respective studios have done in the past.

Below:  an example of the GOODTIMES VHS ADR edit

 And.....the original uncut 1943 audio

A very interesting and ironic situation indeed, if this isn't a case of preserving and/or presenting the original uncut film warts and all.

The plot? Standard serial fare....a lot of fun, very thin holes script-wise when it comes to the "daring escapes" at the beginning of the next chapter. J. Carrol Naish portrays Daka, an evil Japanese mastermind bent on destroying America's war efforts, while doing the worst impression of a Japanese accent I've ever heard. Lewis Wilson as Batman/Bruce Wayne and Douglas Croft as Dick Grayson/ Robin obviously seem to be having a blast with the roles and are genuinely funny at times....and alot of unintentional humor stems from Batman's slightly ill-fiting costume and droopy Bat-earred cowl. Don't think too hard and try not to wince whenever there's any hate-talk goin' on, and you'll find yourself having as much of a good time. Look for Charles Middleton (Ming the Merciless of Buster Crabbe "Flash Gordon" fame) in a small role as a radium mine owner.

Head and shoulders above the Goodtimes release, the Sony Pictures Home Entertainment two disc set looks great. The transfer's crisp and clean, a nice change from Goodtimes' fairly murky and scratched VHS release. The elements show their age, but the revelation that this is the first time since the 1960s that this film is available to a mass audience in an uncut and uncensored form should take the sting from that.

None to speak of, not even a theatrical trailer. Nifty menus, though.

A nice package and a fun film, if you're willing to forgive some of the ignorance of the past that went into demonizing the enemy.

ELECTRA WOMAN AND DYNA GIRL (2016)

ELECTRA WOMAN AND DYNA GIRL (2016)

Electra Woman and Dyna Girl are small time heroes working their way through their days hoping for a big time break, when it finally comes in the form of a lucrative  corporate contract that they're offered after a video of them goes viral.

Along the way, they learn that with great power comes great excess, most big time superheroes are pretty much dickheads whose sole superpower seems to be arrogance, and that truth and justice aren't really all that marketable.

When a powerful enemy reveals itself with connections to the female duo's past, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl must work past their differences and figure out that teamwork and friendship are the most powerful gadgets a superhero can have in their arsenal. 

Having been born in 1974, I actually have fairly vivid memories of Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV enjoying the deliciously trippy KROFTT SUPERSHOW, the original venue of the 1970s incarnation of ELECTRA WOMAN & DYNA GIRL (I must admit that I was more of a WONDER BUG fan at the time.  I mean, how do ya top a magic flying hot rod dune buggy?  I repeat: a fucking flying dune buggy.  I rest my case.)

I also seem to remember the weird nostalgia movement amongst members of my generation.....it's incredibly weird to refer to my peers and contemporaries as a past generation. ..but, anyways...certain members of Generation X embraced the Sid and Marty Kroftt stuff.  It always seemed to be said members who had crazy ideas about becoming nuevo hippies.  Y'know. ...the cats that decided to become Deadheads until Garcia died....then they just started following Phish. A lot of weird dudes and chicks wearing Sleestak t shirts at concerts and clubs.  You catch my drift.....

There was a previous attempt at reviving the property,  in the form of a busted TV pilot starring Markie Post (whom I always found adorable during her NIGHT COURT days) that was produced in 2001 (that's actually pretty funny, and available on YouTube for those wishing to seek it out).  It seems every few years someone is trying to inject new energy into the Kroftt shows, the terrible LAND OF THE LOST film from a few years ago being testament to that.

Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart turn in decent performances, but the plot is fairly hackneyed and formula and the humor comes off as stiff and slightly unfunny. It plays like a TV movie of the week, not a production geared toward reigniting interest in a 40 plus year old piece of pop culture nonsense.   For a better attempt at this kinda humor,  check out the live action THE TICK starring Patrick Warburton from around 2001 or the earlier busted pilot I mentioned above.